"Why do you weep when you pray?"

The question had never entered my head. I wept because--because of something inside me that felt the need for tears."

?, Night by Elie Wiesel

(note if someone can find me a bullet list I'd really appreciate it thanks)
We're reading that book in FYS. It's about the Holocoust and how this 14 year old boy loses his faith. To say the least I can appreciate this idea. In class I had all these people preaching about how if you just put your faith in God everything will be fine. I had to fight down the scolding desire to say yeah thats why about 8 million people died in the Holocaust....right....

I'm not saying faith is a bad thing I just....I've come to the conclusion that faith is simply for your own peace of mind not really for physcial, material world manifestations. In the book Elie (protagonist) can't help cursing God in one statement and then thanking him in another. It's an odd mix.

I can understand this character. While everyone else in the class is going he's just lost soul and if he had more faith he'd be fine I can't help but grimace. My professor has picked up on that. He won't call on me in class like he usually does but he asked me after class what I thought. I told the man that suffering and misfortune can do one of two things to faith it either cements it or erraticates it. Maybe the ones that could keep it were stronger than most...or maybe they're naive. I walked off after that.

Ever since the wreck a lot of people have told me I should go back to my family's faith. (notice how I say family's). I've also had some of these peole go you should cover up your arm. Which maybe an unfair comparison but when its common knowledge that a wound needs air to heal and they tell you to cover it, it kinda makes you wonder what validity they have. There's one person that I think can get me to go back to my faith. I talked to him about it.

I asked him very planly and simply at about 4am a few weeks ago what was faith. He stoped and then gave me a satisfying answer that I will keep to myself. I asked him if I needed it. He told me only oneself knows what one needs. He told me that one of the most beautifully amazing things in the world to witness was a strong woman. He told me I was a strong woman, but he also said that even the strong need rest, need help and that may lie in faith. This friend of mine once upon a time wanted to be a Catholic priest...he was also once upon a time a "lost soul."

Since then I've hesitantly made my way back. Starting small simply with the version of the Lord's Prayer that I was taught as a child. My aunts are going to the Vatican soon so I asked them to get me a Roman Catholic Bible for me to read ( yes there is a difference Quita, Starr, and I found that out). I'm trying.....not so much for myself though...maybe I'll find something in it like other people do.

And so the exploration begins....I wish I had Angel Sanctuary to watch...geeze......

I'm not sure what I really wanted to blog about when I sat down but this is where it went...I'll take requests for the next blog entry ^_^

Don't let me be misunderstood



Yes okay I suppose its good to update every once in a while. Not too much going on. I got my stitches taken out on Sunday and my scabs are starting to come offsome of the scars are a little more prodominant than others, some are red and some are a few shades lighter than my skin tone. My legs are still shot to hell. I DDR-ed for a few hours on Monday with Q and Starr. "Rehab" gone totally wrong I swear. My legs are still weak and now they're weak and sore.

As lame as it may sound I've found some weird connection to the Kill Bill Vol. 1 soundtrack and my arm healing up. In particular Zamfir-The Lonely Shepard and Don't let me be misunderstood. Its an odd sidenote unworthy of comment.

I got another C on my great books paper. It makes me really mad because he doesn't explain what he wants so I'm shooting in the dark. Oh well nothing I can really do but shit you know.

I keep trying to talk to Junior Trillo but I can never find him so I guess I'll let him try to find me.

Quita may have found me a new car for about $2500. I have about $550 in my savings account so I'm trying to see what I can do. I'm pretty dead set on this. My parents don't quiet understand why I'm so hung up on the car. I guess they expect me to be all like mentally screwed thanks to a near death experience and all that shit ::shakes head:: no it doesn't work that way. I'm a lil too hard core to be scared of driving or scared of cars or to be stuck in the past. Nope doesn't work that way.

But I gotta go pick up my phone ^_^ PEACEOUT

No actually I won't cover it up, but thanks for asking

Hi there guys. I guess the pics have been up long enough and its time for an update.
Things are a little better. I'm finally off the pain meds WHOOO HOO. I tried to get off them a little too soon earlier this week and I payed for it dearly. Quita and Krystal have been dolls to me helping me move around and reminding me to take my meds at the appointed hour. All and all I'm doing pretty good. This doesn't mean I am with out complaint.

Something one must face when having sever scaring on ones areas of public viewing is the stupidity.
Some people try and be nice and successed. A god bless you and a take care of yourself are very good.
Some people try and fail misterably. For instance...the do you need help with every little thing approach. I'm hurt but I'm not totally uncapable of movement good God.

Some people are just a supid. They ask me if I can cover my arm up so they don't have to see it. Now for my cuts to scab and begin to heal they need exposure to air if not it'll only make everything all the worse. Also if you don't want to see my injury I suggest you don't stare at it ^_^ at first I was mean abot it now I'm just a little sarcastic is all.

Daniel got me to calm down about the whole thing. He says people are just trying to help. Some of them have no idea how to do it and they stumble through the motions. He calmed me down a lot because unfortunately I was on the phone with him when I got the 100th OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? ARE YOU OK? ::grimace from loud ass person:: so I wasn't the nicest person.

Yeah...The bruises on my legs are still very very much there they haven't faded yet and I really wish they would. Other than that it's all good I'm okay. I want my knee to heal up fast so when Jon comes to visit I can play DDR with him. I was no good at it before but I want to be better than before just because of the wreck-just to spite you know? I might see if someone will give me a ride to the mall so I can see what I'm working with so far. I have a hard time walking so I might want to hold back for a while but one of my teachers here has always said " be courageous." So that's what I'm trying to do more than anything. I'm a tough girl if nothing else.

Anyway I'm okay really I am as a matter of fact I should get going here in a minute.

I've learned some things about myself since the accident...but that's for another entry.
Talk to you guys soon
Kim

Here's th car. These images maybe disturbing so be careful

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v404/SanctuaryMaiden/DSCF0043.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v404/SanctuaryMaiden/DSCF0045.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v404/SanctuaryMaiden/DSCF0044.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v404/SanctuaryMaiden/DSCF0046.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v404/SanctuaryMaiden/DSCF0047.jpg


Yupe.......

The Artist in the Ambulence

For those of you that haven't heard. I was in a car wreck yesterday. Obviously I'm in fair health if I can blog about it. I was going to put what happened but right now...I'm just tired so I'll blog about it when the pictures of the wreck come out. But I'm okay.

Of Rest and Recooperation

I just woke up....the hurricane is said to hit us in the next few hours. Not the eye just the wake. Quita and I got stuck in a down pour coming back from lunch around 5. At about 6 we both fell fast asleep. Quita fell asleep before me and woke up once I think to turn out the lights. I'm awake now trying to down some liquids. I gave blood yesterday, I think I said that yesterday. The lady told me to drink a lot of fluids and get plenty of rest in the coming days. Of course my idea of extra fluids was um like half a bottle of water and extra rest was sleeping from 3-8 instead of 4-8 and then today was Thursday so basically I had class from 9-3 non stop.

So point being...I felt it today. I think I worried Quita a little I don't mean to. She's a very caring person so I can't exactly let myself not rest enough or not eat enough and on top of that I'm having some cold/sinus issues do to constantly getting rained on and then coming into our artic room. I have to be careful around her because she'll worry and not say anything. So when I woke up I walked to Cali's room (Cali doesn't drink soda) and asked for a cup of juice since all we have in our fridge all we have is soda. Downed that and now I'm here....still thirsty.

I kinda wish Quita would wake up but she needs some rest too. We've been going to bed past 2 am everday for about 2 weeks and then getting up at 7 to go to class and work. It would be fine if we didn't do anything all day but that's not the case. We need to alter our lifestyles a bit...problem is during the day we really can't study. So we usually study from 9-12...sadly lately we can't sleep til 3...course it doesn't help the fact that around here the misc. boyfriends and friends call after midnight. I think we all may have to cut those.

I have 3 books of the Iliad to read for tuesday and 3 stories by Flannery O' Conner...whom I really dont like but don't hate either...I jsut dont like her style. I've written 3 papers here. 2 B+ and one C. To say the least I was frustrated. I'm working on it though. I put forth a lot of effort but since it was the first one I didn't exactly know what they wanted so I didn't do so bad. my C paper got a C because it didn't make the 2 page min. it was 1 and 3/4..ohyeah that's right. My B+s had comma issues. So yeah not that bad. I want to do better though and in college it seems you only have so many opportunities to do better, at least my classes because almost everything is reading and discussion not too much paper work.

Well I think I'm going to go see what's going on in my hall and then get started on some more homework...nevermind I gotta clean up my books and paper off the floor for Jon and Rachels visit. See you guys later.

"Hey lady I'm seeing stars...is that suppose to happen?"

Woot I gave blood today! ::does skippy frolicy dance and falls over::
That's one of the only things I really wanted to do when I turned 18. So today I did that. It was the oddest experience. To give blood they ask you all these weird ass questions that around the lines of "have you slept with a man whose slept with a man/woman that may be contaminated with HIV?" I'm like....I'm a virgin can we just check no to all those. Anyway the lady who took my blood saw my air brush tattoo and loved it (I got an air brush tatoo of 3 triquetras entwined). I really liked the design but I wouldn't get it there.

Anyway once she shoved the needle into me I saw stars and I told her that and she was like oh shit so she kept asking me if Iwas okay for 10 minutes straight. Pretty darn funny. Once it was over I felt sick because I hadn't eaten anything all day so she then turned into my mama and started telling me to eat something and blah blah blah. She was a nice lady ^_^

Daniel was surprised when I told him I gave blood he made this odd metaphor that was true enough but I can't do it justice so I'll leave it alone ^_^

Other than that pretty uneventful except for the massive dance party that goes on in this room.

::SINGS AT TOP OF LUNGS::"I JUST WANNA BE WITH YOU"

Sorry....I kinda got back in touch with my Enrique loving side :D I serenaded Quita the other night...poor Quita.

Um I think that's about it...I have Iliad to read boys and girls so I will talk to you later...cause I need to sleep and get my blood back ^_^

" I did all this to please you, and if you do not kiss my mouth, Inigo Montoya of Spain, I will more than likely die."

I love it. I had some odd out spare time around here so I read the Princess Bride Inigo Montoya in Dispair section. It's one of my favorite passages. I'm a sucker for mushy things. I know it's totally dumb but oh well. I really have nothing to say...dum dum dum.

Lets see here...I only slept for 3 hours last night. woot! Geeze this entry is so pointless I have nothing to say....I promised Junior I'd call him this weekend but My mom visited Saturday and then I spent Sunday doing homework so..I didn't get a chance to. I would really like to talk to him though so I might just steal someone's phone card or something and talk to him tomorrow...Um yeah that is all ^_^

Laundry at 4 am

So Quita and I did laundry at 4 am......and blew out an outlet..no big ^_^


Here is the clothes rack...with SOME of the clothes....


One of 2 blowdryers aimed at our clothes to dry them....also one of 2 blowdryers that helped blow out the outlet which we can't get fixed until Monday


Fred the fan blows on the clothes to dry them too......and clothes hanging from quita's closet dry as well....

Ghetto Fabulous :D

Bacardi and Coke

I had a long hard day. I hate Friday's so much. I pull 8:30-11:30 shift then went to class and then went back to work from 1-5. I hate Fridays. Also lets pull this item in there-Ate at 8 am then ate again at like 6. I was soooo hungry.

Anyway I asked Ali to buy me some Bacardi...kinda joking kinda serious. I wanted original Bacardi, I wanted Rum dammit. He said that I should drink like a lady (not in those exact words) so he bought me Bacardi Silver Raz. How I got it was rather funny.

Quita and I had gone to Stake and Shake with some friends just because we felt like getting out. We found him when he was on the way out the door.He was kinda skittish. Like I was looking for you here. Ali got it for me damn near close to eleven. When I asked him 2 days ag0.

So I drank half of my Bacardion this "dry campus" where everyone has some form of drink in their fridge. So I'm sure by now someone is askings 'Kim why are you drinking?' All honesty, I didn't think he'd buy it. But since he did to hell with it I drank some with coke of course. It was okay. I'm not much of a fan of "Razberry" I wanted original for a reason. Anyway yeah so um....I think that's about it.

Oh I just found out my mom might be coming to visit me tomorrow. So glad that I didn't drink like a mofo (for future ref. I've never drunk before so this was my first drinking experience and it was eh...at least it'll flush my kidneys) Anyway yeah so I get to see her...even though I told her that I had a lot of homework...no one listens.

QUITA AND I ARE FASTING SO FAR FOR THE LAST 6 HOURS WHOOOOOOOOO

Well guys I'm going to go get started^_^

HAVE A NICE DAY
PS Thanks for the comment Rachel but I'm not the outside type either that would be Krystal that went camping..

Good God....it's 1 am and I'm not sleepy. Just got done reading book 12 of the Iliad and have to start Flannery O'Conner's Mystery and Manners and have that read for Tuesday. Also for Tuesday is my peer thing for intro to computing which I have a test that same day too...idiot teacher triying to teach me HTML...I also have a essay due that same day and a two page reflection X_X Tuesday is the day from hell. I'm not stressed...yet ^_^
I believe you make your own stress. You can't worry about the consequences about not getting things done you have to just get it done. IN OTHER WORDS Failure is not an option ^_^ man that sounds so Heero Yuy.
Tomorrow I work from 8:30-11:30 class from 12-1 and then work from 1-5. So yeah long days long days. I plan to get my 100+ pages of reading done so I can focus on my essay all weekend....sorry got distracted looking at a picture on my wall. You find peace in some of the oddest places you know?
My back was killing me so I had Quita and Krystal massage me. I feel tons tons better :D But...I'm sure it won't last. I think it's because of my good posture. I'm fine in wooden desks but when I sit in a coushined chair I have trouble sitting up straight so I have to hunch of slouch and I don't like to do that.
I think I had to say something else but I can't remember what the hell it was.

Oh I got Quita a layout she likes so her site maybe a little hey-wire for the next few days...starting probably Saturday night and mine too because um...Jon and I just can't have the same layout for much longer :P

Oh yeah buddy it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood....there had class today through the wind rain and fallen trees. ^_^ Oh yeah! I had a good bit of fun just getting from point a to point b it was truely a challange. Most of the teachers cut it short though they were like screw this.
I heard Geimer read my blog now the exact content of his thought and feelings never got back to me it was more a side comment from Quita. So I wonder what he read and what he thought.
I found my link on Junior's blog which makes me raise my eyebrow and go huh?
Anyway decided to put a lil pic over there in the profile section. Kim in her natural habbitat (asleep) yeah buddy...there was something else I was going to say.
I got a late birthday card from Danny. He's so sweet. ^_^ I need to beat him up later though.
Our RA (Residant Assistant AKA Den Mother ^_^) needs ideas for the hall decorations and the hall activity. I decided to lend her a hand with a few ideas...which turned into my volunteering unvoluntarily. Yeah gotta learn to not be so helpful.
Right now my hall is gettin a little routie...I don't know why it seems to be an everyday thing so I'm going to investigate.
Later

The Entry about nothing ^_^

Hurricans, Tornados and Tropical Depressions oh my!
Yes sports fans the Mercer HQ (me) is in peril yet again. Not only are we suffering from 30 mph gusts of winds, we also have flood and tornado warnings (what the fuck we're in fall now not summer this shit is suppose to happen in summer).
Now here's the reallly funny part ^_^ I started high school in the pouring down rain and now I get to start college with a few hurricanes and tornados ^_^....when I get married am I going to have a tsunami????
Considering if I get married hehe it's a funny thought. I wonder if I have commitment issues or if I'm just too picky...who knows...maybe I'm just easily distracted but that's not the point.
Point is that I've been on campus doing next to nothing all damn day. Yesterday got fun once I found out ali was back. I went over to plunkett and we played Halo for hours. I'm the weakest player because I've only played it 3 or 4 times before but when I make a kill I'm pretty impressive. The guys laugh at me because I get so into it and start hopping and screaming.
I want to go play some more but sadly Kim doesn't have anyone to play with X_X Stephen and Ali are doing homework. I already did all of mine so I'm here....blogging..."for the shear glory of it all" as Danny would say.
I commented on Jon's blog. I kinda miss talking to Jon. He was of the few straight up people I know and the fact that we've known each other since 4th grade is kinda funny for army brats. I hope him and Rachel are doing well. Rachel has to put up with a lot of totally unnecissary bull shit...I wonder if she can sue her mom for damages...or would that go like Eminem...maybe if we got like the white version of Johnny Cockran...hmm its a thought--an odd and stupid one yes but still a thought.
I haven't talked to Jun in a while I wonder what he's doing. He's probably busy.
Okay guys now opening my cell phone bill...I feel like an idiot. Somehow I spent um...almost $6 in Text messaging. See text messaging isnt part of my phone plan so everytime I do it it's 10 cents. Now I really didn't mean to use it that much but when people text you "where are you?" and you're at work--you can't exactly call them and be like "you I'm at work." Or when people are like "have you seen______" yeah see that stuff kills.....I think I may just pay the freakin $3 for 100 text messages a month I mean damn.
I need a memory stick...because um hahaha I've been downloading music from Limewire and well....128 although is enough for like 3 cds...quita and I download a lot. This weekend with nothing better to do, I downloaded 2 Him Cds and another mix CD. Rich now I'm working on the Crossfade cd, which reminds me I have to go buy Cds...and something else I can't remember what though....oh well yeah
Yeah yeah I think I'm done rambeling about nothing

Hurricane HQ day 2

Another day of sitting here alone doing homework and listening to music. I spent most of last night on watching movies. God bless TNT I saw Sweet November, City of Angels, You've got mail, As good as it gets, and the Bachelor. I have gotten my fill of cheesie love films for the rest of my life good God. Usually they would make me feel bad but you know they actually made me smile. I have no idea I mean ::shivers:: look at those films.

I'm kinda mad at my layout for uh...not reloading my background. I'm not sure why it's not working but whatever.

Hmm I thought I had a little more to say but I guess not ^_^ oh well lets see here I guess I'll go read some more for class or something. I've only been up for 4 hours and I already want this day to end. I hope Ali comes home today so I have someone to play with.

I think I'm going to use one of the blogger layouts because I don't feel like fighting with the HTML junk. OH look a free comment box...I wonder if I can kill that ^_^

I swear some people just need to leave other people alone man what kinda sorry ass bull shit is this.
I was reading Quita's blog entries for like the last month and everytime you read the comment box it's the same bullshit. A) Wow I hope you don't forget why you went to college, you are there to learn or B) why do you want to join a sorority blah blah blah

Man get a fucking life! OKay dude there's 168 hours in a week. Let's subtract the 48 for the weekend even though Quita and I used it to do homework but whatever
So we got 120 hours -40 of sleep (on average 4-10 a day depending on naps) =80

80-14 of class=66

66-25 hours of eating (on average it takes an hour to h15 so there's a round number)= 41 hours

41-5 hours of getting up for class/shower time =36


so yeah 36 hours to study and party. Personnally I spend 20 plus hours studying because I spend about that much time at work and I spend all that time working. SO the point is that YES there is time to go out and have fun. So get off her...fuck ::rolls eyes::

Just because you don't have any friends to hang out with you don't bitch at her. I was here for 2 weeks with 30 people and went to D.C. and back so of course I'm going to be close to them so of couse I introduced them to Quita and she liked some of them and has class with them and has all those friends so cut all the "social butterfly" cracks oh my god that just pisses me off.
All right I think I'm going to stop bitching ^_^ I just...I'm sure Quita gets tired of reading the same bullshit everytime she posts.

Why don't we try being supportive of her endevors?

Yeah buddy I've decided to bring it back for no real reason. I don't think I'm putting up a comment box. It's kinda a pain I also don't plan on telling anyone that I started it up again. After leaving this place to rot for basically 5 Months I've decided that enough time has passed to reopen. More to the point, I actually have something to write about. For what's been happening thus far in college you should see Quita's blog. I'm not going to recap. I really just need somethign to do besides homework for the next 3 days since everyone left and I have to stay here. More likely than not I'm not going to be working on this very much really I'm just bored now and need something to do.